Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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