i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
