Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
