Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize