Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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