the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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