The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
