this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
