i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
