I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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