I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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