i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
