dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
