Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
