remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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