C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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