Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
