brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
