I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
