i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
