He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize