I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
