My room smells like vodka and shame
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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