you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Green mimosas i think yes
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
