Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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