i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
