ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
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