piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
