It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Randomize
