A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
