Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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