Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
the condom got lost in my hair
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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