I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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