No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
