I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
sex in a hospital.. check
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
