there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
