remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
