The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
