That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
