Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
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