Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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