Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
