he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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