I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
