You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
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