i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
