The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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