I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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