I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Come see our sink grown plant.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
