Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
