you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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