Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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