its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
