your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
