i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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