I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
