you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
