If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It's blow job season.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
