That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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