just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
