how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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