Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize