Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Two words: nipple clamps
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